Tuesday, December 27, 2011

More Nightmares

Yesterday I noticed an email in my inbox from my bishop, wondering if I had the day off and if so could I please meet up with him to sign something. I assume this has to do with my resignation--I emailed him last week to let him know that if he had any questions specifically regarding my resignation he could email me, but otherwise I wanted no contact, as before. So he sent an email asking for my address at the apartment, and I responded. So I'm wondering if he was misled by my civil tone into thinking that I would meet with him at his request, and perhaps thinking that if we met and talked I might change my mind.

I ignored the request. I don't want to meet with him, and there is no real reason why I should. Of course, my husband was sitting right there beside me, as I had logged into my email at his request, to retrieve a coupon he'd had sent to me. He recognized the bishop's name, and wanted to know what was up. I just told him that I am no longer a member of the church and have absolutely no intention of ever returning. He started to get upset, but I stood firm. ("I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City . . . for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me!)

And I suppose that's what led to the nightmares. I dreamed that since I didn't answer his email, he reached out to my mother, my stepfather, and my sister (who no longer considers herself a member, but who never officially resigned). So I was having to explain to my mother what was going on, and she was having a conniption fit, and my stepfather was acting, per usual, like a complete asshole. Fortunately, my sister took me to my favourite vegan restaurant and I got a grilled tofu sandwich, which I enjoyed, but I vented vented vented with her, and she was really nice and let me vent (she is very nice, and always lets me vent. I guess she's been out long enough she's past the anger stage where I seem to be thoroughly ensconced. Although I wonder if I'd be able to move past the anger stage a little more quickly if my husband weren't having cog dis and refusing to do anything. He's paralysed. It's awful.)

I was happy to wake up.

I realise that I am going to have to broach the subject with my mother, but I'm waiting until I can do it in person. It's not the sort of conversation one wants to do via email or telephone.

Oh--and here's a photo of me taken on Christmas Eve. I'm not nuts about it, but then I'm not nuts about any photos with me in them. I see all the flaws, things I'd like to change, etc.


  1. He is following normal procedure. He is supposed to try and meet up with you at least one more time and he is supposed to give you his own letter. He probably is just mailing the one he wrote for you since you declined to meet.

    Once he mails his letter to you he should be able to finish your paperwork.

  2. It isn't an easy process, ridding yourself of the Mormons... but it is definitely worth it. I've been out for over 7 years now, and although I've never completely gotten over the "anger stage," I have become more philosophical about the whole thing. But even so, I occasionally have Mormon-related dreams in one form or another. And I know that being in for 52 years will take a lot more healing than I've already done. That's one of the reasons for my blog. I don't want to just bury my feelings and pretend they don't exist because if I do that, at some point it will affect me in other ways. So hang in there... it does get better...

    And the picture is great... I love seeing pictures so I can put a face with someone I've been getting to know...

  3. Love the pic, and gotta agree with Sulli. Remember that the bishopric believes it all true, and they are trying to follow what their little book says. I kind of pity the bishopric's across the world. I don't really think they want to meet with most apostates that much- it's just what's required of them. Sometimes it's because they feel like they "aren't feeling the spirit" which is just them pushing their feelings in it because truthfully they are anxious, but they won't say so (how do I know? because when I was in the RS presidency we met with people who are apostatizing- my RS Pres loved to take me because I could defuse most situations). It's hard getting through it though... I think you're doing good, girl. Keep your determination.