Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Reclaiming My Power

I'm sure I've written about this before, but it continues to be a vital topic that is always on my mind right now. I'm having to deal with the difficulties in getting our house fixed so we/I/he can move back home. I'm dealing with my marriage issues. I'm worrying about whether-or-how to tell my mother that I've left the church (for the record--I'm not going to say anything any time soon. It would cause her a great deal of grief, and I'm not willing to do that to her until/unless I must). I'm dealing with my husband's sporadic insistence that I must return to church, with him asking me every few days if I've gained weight (no, actually I've kind of plateaued, but I am still down 65 pounds from last December), with him insisting that I must dress the same way my boss dresses (um, she is tall and thin; I am short and still far more rotund than I would like to be), etc. Lots and lots and lots going on.

I keep walking and walking and walking, having faith that some day I'll get to the center of the labyrinth. I think the confusing paths of the labyrinth are all the thoughts that keep swirling around in my head as I try to figure out what to do. Sometimes I turn left when I should turn right, and sometimes I seem to know almost mystically exactly which way to turn. Sometimes I find myself at a dead end and just plop down and cry, but then I get back up and start going again, determined to get to the center.

And sometimes it feels like I'm dancing with the Goblin King who's trying to keep me from finding my center.

And sometimes I forget my lines.

But eventually I remember them.

"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City...for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great."

"You have no power over me!"

1 comment:

  1. LDS Inc. is very tough on marriages and families when a person of integrity (yourself in this case) figures out the deception and has to find the balance between being true to herself and respecting her family's right to believe what they want while keeping her family together. They deliberately don't make it easy.

    I've heard so many tragic stories involving one spouse discovering the fraud and the other spouse defending the church. The label "cult" in this context isn't important. The pure EVIL inflicted on all involved is undeniable and reprehensible, regardless of how the corporation and the members define themselves.

    Thank FSM I did not have to deal with a believing spouse when I figured it out. It was bad enough having to deal with siblings, parents, and other family members who did not react well to my enlightenment. the fact that I was excluded from my own daughter's wedding should tell anyone everything they need to know about this so-called Christian religion. With few exceptions, I haven't spoken to any of my believing family members for nearly three years, thanks to their family-oriented (cough) religion. If that's not evil, I don't know what is.