Monday, November 7, 2011


My husband doesn't like me to watch those shows about hoarding. So I only watch them when he's gone. I like them not because I get a sick sense of self righteousness (like I do if I ever watch Toddlers & Tiaras--man, I wanna slap some of thosemothers), but because I empathise with the people on the show. I always hope they're able to get help, and to get out of the horrible situations they've been trapped in.

I can't help but wonder if my husband ever sees himself in them. He hates throwing things away. Just Saturday morning he told me that he was going to go to the house and get some stuff out and take it to our storage unit. I told him not to do that. I said he should just throw the crap away. Then he said he hates throwing away things that are good, so I said he should take the good things to Goodwill.  I went out yesterday afternoon/evening with my sister and one of our best friends. When I got home last night, I found that he'd left our garage door open and he'd brought some crap from the house and it's now sitting in our garage.

Man, one of the blessings I've been grateful for, from our house fire, was the opportunity to get out from under the piles of crap in our house. It's a small house, and there just wasn't room for everything. But what does he do? Brings it to our even smaller apartment.

He's also started hoarding food again, despite the fact that thousands of dollars worth of food were burned up or contaminated as a result of the fire. But he has already made a couple of trips to Costco, and there are multi-packs sitting on my kitchen counter of refried beans, Ro-Tel tomatoes, and tuna fish. And there's a big bag of rice in our tiny pantry. And again, when I got home last night, there to greet me were 12 or more cans of food that he'd brought from our house and washed off so we could eat.

I have to stop here, and interject the following facts: Our house fire was on July 24th. We had record-breaking heat this summer, and there was no air conditioning in our house after the fire. So all that food just sat there in 100+ degree heat until the heat wave broke and autumn finally arrived.

Am I going to eat any of that food from the house? Hell no!

I'm so frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He gets angry that the apartment's a mess, but all the mess is crap he's brought in and thrown all over the place. And when he's actually in town, he's not going to an office every day like I am, but he still expects me to come home and take care of dinner and wash the dishes and clean up and blah blah blah. When I pointed out Friday night that of all the dirty dishes in the kitchen, exactly 4 items were mine (2 mugs and 2 spoons). He got all huffy, and I went ahead and did them anyway, but I was just steaming. Thank heavens we only have a few items--flatware and dishes for 4--because he would sooner use every dish in the kitchen than stick a load in the dishwasher.

Grrr!  My 20th wedding anniversary is tomorrow and all I want is to not be married anymore.  (Not just for these reasons--trust me, there are plenty more.)  And I know I drive him up the wall as much as he does me, but he keeps saying he wants to hang on and work on our marriage, so I feel guilty when I tell him there's not really any marriage to work on.

1 comment:

  1. That's a rough situation - really, really rough. So, more than anything else, I'd like to offer my sympathies.

    "I know I drive him up the wall as much as he does me, but he keeps saying he wants to hang on and work on our marriage..."

    Very often when I hear this, it's not so much that the person saying it actually wants to work on the marriage; it's that they don't want to be The (Bad) Person Who Finally Gave Up On It. If the marriage is broken beyond repair - and, obviously, in your case I'm in no position to tell, but if it is - then someone is going to have to step up and be the "bad guy" and end things. (The alternative, of course, is to continue being miserable together. There are some people who consider that the better course of action, but for the life of me I cannot understand why.)

    Take that with the usual caveats: I am neither a lawyer nor a counselor; I offer advice in the hope it will help rather than the expectation that everyone will bow down before my obvious wisdom; feel free to change or ignore any advice that doesn't work for you; some limitations may apply; offer not valid in Texas or California; do not taunt Happy Fun Ball, etc.

    Flippancy aside, though, that really is an unpleasant place to be in, and I hope you can find a way to make it better.