Monday, November 14, 2011


I'm already starting to see some unexpected results from losing my religion.

Christmas cards, for example. I always used to make sure that whatever Christmas cards I purchased had something to do with the nativity--angels, or nativity scene, or the wise men, what have you. So when I was looking at Christmas cards this year, I found it a little difficult to pick some out. I ended up getting cards with a snowman on the front. I still don't really know what I believe, but I believe that snowmen make me happy, so snowman Christmas cards work for me. :)

And angels. I love angels. I'd be delighted to have angels all over my Christmas tree, because they make me happy. And my angels have wings. Huge beautiful feathery wings. Our Christmas tree and decorations got totaled out in the fire. That means I get to get all new, and I'm planning on getting lots of angels.

Then there's the whole temple thing. I don't talk, obviously, to my best friend C's kids about losing my faith. I don't want to be perceived as trying to lead them astray. They're not my kids. I respect their parents with all my heart, and love those kids as if they were my own. C's oldest child is at BYU, and thank heavens she's not dating someone seriously (as far as I know anyway). But I can't help thinking of that (I hope far-off) day when she's going to get married, and I'm not going to be able to be there. It breaks my heart to to think of that.  I mean, obviously at that point I'm going to have to let her know that I no longer believe in the One True Church. She knows me well, and she loves me. She calls me on Mother's Day, because she says I'm her other mother. I don't think she realises just how much that means to me. I know she won't judge me. She's like her beautiful awesome mother that way. And I'll do anything she wants me to for her wedding/reception/etc., but I won't be able to do the one thing that would let me be there for her wedding. It makes me sick, that the church professes to place families above everything else, but sees nothing wrong in encouraging people to get married where their families cannot be with them on one of the most important days of their lives. It's wrong. And that's all I'm saying about that.

I'm going to go back to thinking about beautiful angels again. :) And just maybe after I get off of work this afternoon, I'm going to go buy myself an angel.

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