Monday, May 23, 2011

Moving Forward

We did a lot of talking this weekend, but not much was resolved.  He still wants to save our marriage, but doesn't seem completely able to see that there's really not a marriage to be saved.

It's funny. Friday during lunch I had come to the decision that I would plan to move at the beginning of March. That would give me time to save up for the things I'll need to furnish an apartment.  I also get a bonus at the end of every February, so I could put that in my savings account and have a little cushion in case of emergencies. My stepmonster is threatening to get new living room furniture, in which case I would be the lucky beneficiary of her old furniture, which is very attractive and even more comfortable.  I'd decided, during lunch Friday, that if she were to do that before I got moved, I'd get a small storage unit and put the furniture in there until I moved, so that the dogs wouldn't ruin it. I had it all planned out.

Then Friday afternoon I called my husband to see if he was feeling any better, and he told me that if I'm going to move, I need to do it and be done with it.  !!! 

One of my sisters was hosting a pirates movie watching slumber party that night, so I was over there. I ended up falling asleep, finally, at 6:30, and was back up by 8:30. The whole rest of the night was spent lying in bed trying to figure things out. 

When I got home, my husband had managed to forget that he told me just the day before to go ahead and move out, and was back to insisting that we save our love and our family, or at least stay roommates. He doesn't want me to get divorced unless I want to remarry.  Well, the problem with that scenario is that I'm not going to be looking for a new husband until I'm no longer married.  (Of course, I don't know that I'm going to be looking.  The thought of peace and quiet is very appealing to me.) 

So we're still in the trying to figure things out phase.  I've contacted the two apartments I'm looking at to check on availability. One has a unit opening up on August 6th.  I haven't heard from the other one, which is actually the one I prefer for its proximity to my office (1.3 miles as opposed to 7ish) and its garden tub.

I've been making list after list after list trying to figure out what I need and how to acquire it with minimum expenditures of my limited funds.

I love my husband, honestly I do. And I know he loves me.  But I can't take the controlling and the yelling and the other issues that have been so pervasive in our marriage. I just want some peace and quiet. And the thought of a 5-minute commute as opposed to a 40-minute commute twice a day is, I will admit, blissful.

I'm still feeling torn. I think I'll probably feel torn for a while. Thanks to you who have commented and contacted me to offer your support. I am so very appreciative. Thank you.


  1. Wow. I don't want to comment too much here in a public space but so many parallels with my own situation. I can't tell you how much I understand what you are going through. Awful, terrible hard stuff.

  2. What you said toward the end of your post sounded so familiar to me... "I love my husband, honestly I do. And I know he loves me. But I can't take the controlling and the yelling and the other issues that have been so pervasive in our marriage. I just want some peace and quiet." This is exactly what I went through during my second marriage. The controlling behavior and constant yelling became too much for me, and there were so many issues that if one was solved, there was still a mountain of issues with which to contend, so it became too daunting. When I finally moved out, the peace and tranquility was so soothing that I wondered why I had waited so long to make the move. But unfortunately, after we separated, I fell prey to the "grass is always greener syndrome" because he started acting like Mr. Charming. And so I moved back, only to realize in a very short time that nothing had changed. My advice to you would be that if you decide to leave, then leave and make it final because going back and forth is an exercise in futility. Of course, it's a big decision and shouldn't be done lightly. But on the other hand, finally feeling peace and tranquility is priceless.