Sunday, May 8, 2011

Going crazy

Husband decided to come home yesterday without telling me.  So here's me, naked (obvs) in the tub, and I hear one of the dogs whimpering, and then the door opens.  I'm out of the tub in a flash and running (naked) down the hall only to see my husband who I thought was in another state at least for another week.

I've already been lectured on the wine in the refrigerator and the sleeveless shirts I'm wearing.

He hasn't noticed my extra ear piercings.

I'm really hating this.  The irony of him lecturing me on how to be a proper mormon, despite the fact that I've been open and up front about my feelings about TSCC, despite the issues he's had throughout our marriage, it all just rubs me wrong.

Somehow I've got to get through this.  He still wants to be committed to our marriage.  I just want to be committed.  There is no marriage here.  There are two decades of loving each other very much while we went our separate ways.  I tried so hard for so long, and I'm tired of trying, tired of pretending. 

But I also don't want to be a complete bitch and break his heart. He's a good person.


  1. Why does he feel the need to lecture you on how to be the perfect Mormon?

    Oh! Sorry! He is da priesthood man in your home! Oh God. I am sorry for anyone who has to go through this stuff.

  2. I don't think it's necessarily because he is teh priesthood in the home. I think he's always counted on me to be the good one in our relationship. The fact that I no longer feel the church is true, and am no longer constrained by the countless restrictions has thrown him for a loop.

    I wear colourful underwear now. I feel free to bare my arms to the breeze. It's only May, and we've had some really warm days that made me really glad I'm no longer wearing multiple layers of clothes beneath my clothes.

    I drink about a glass of wine in a week, maybe a few sips of a mixed beverage if I go out with my sister, but that's it. I'm not spending hours every weekend paying homage to the porcelain god.

    But from his reaction this morning when I put on a sleeveless shirt you'd have thought I was going starkers. And he keeps going on about the wine.