Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Leaving the Mormon Church

Kiley had this post up, and invited readers to write their own letters.  It's been perhaps 6 months since I left, so I'm still sorting out my own emotions and figuring out how to deal with people close to me and those not so close to me.  Here goes:

Dear Reader,

As you make your way out of the mormon church, remember that you have the right to say no. If you contact your bishop and ask for no contact in any shape, form or fashion from any members of the ward, and he asks to meet with you, you can say no. If people contact you anyway, you can just respond by asking them to remove you from their email lists, not to visit, etc.

You may find frustration in that people you previously thought to be friends were only friends because they were assigned to be. Again, you're allowed to tell them not to call/email/write/visit. There will be those, however, who are your friends because they love you, and they will remain your friends. Cherish them. Hold them close to your heart.

Go buy cute underwear. Lots and lots of cute underwear. Wear colours--pink, purple, black, red, polka-dotted. Wear thongs or boyshorts. Revel in the array of underwear that is now available to you.

Cuss. I'm particularly fond of the f-word. Put Ben Folds Five song "One Angry Dwarf" in your CD player and holler "kiss my ass!" with increasing enthusiasm. (It's a great song, trust me.) 

Try some coffee, to see if you like it. There are all kinds of syrups for flavouring, even sugar-free syrups (I love the Torani brand). There are plenty of flavours of creamer as well. Mix it up. See what you like. Have a big glass of iced tea, and see how thirst-quenching it can be. Mix some cold iced tea with some cold lemonade, and see how delicious that tastes.

Drink a glass of wine. Or a margarita. Or--and only do this if you've got friends around to pick you up--a long island iced tea. Whoa, Nellie! I had one of those when I was out with my sister and a friend, and I could hardly walk. But it sure tasted good.

You may have people ask you, as my husband asked me, if you left the church so you could drink coffee (wear cute underwear/drink a glass of wine/whatever they deem to be unsuitable and sinful). I normally respond with sarcasm (and occasionally a raised middle finger), but you'll find your own voice.

Explore the universe. Read anti-Mormon literature if you want to. Read the history--the true history, that LDS Inc. tries to whitewash and/or keep away from people--and see how the church really got its beginnings. Read the ridiculous teachings of past prophets, and the song and dance routine modern prophets use to get around them.

Be angry if you need to be angry. Cry if you need to cry. Blog. Journal. Talk to friends. The ex-Mormon community, I'm finding, is completely awesome. I've gotten so much support, not just from those that I've approached on a personal basis, but by reading their blogs and the books they've written. They are amazing.

If you want to correspond with me, I'd be delighted!!  Just shoot an email to aintnomonomo(at)gmail(dot)com.


  1. Great advice! Congrats on your 6 month anniversary!

  2. I love what you said about saying "no". That is such a hard thing to do. You don't realize coming out of it that you can!

    Thank you for writing a letter!

  3. Fantastic post. I love the "just say no" comment. It took me a long time to realize I really could say that. Great advice.