Monday, October 3, 2011


I wonder how many mormons who leave the church go to other christian religions, other non-christian religions, or identify as agnostic or atheist.

I've also been wondering where my personal beliefs lie. Doesn't that sound funny? Six months ago I could have told you exactly what I believed, and to not believe it anymore feels weird, but right.

I am pretty sure there's some kind of life after death. My belief for that is based in the fact that (a) I've lived in a haunted house; (b) I saw a ghost walking through the living room of the house I own now; and (c) my best friend's son C has visited me in my dreams and told me things that I did not and could know have known until I talked with my bff about them.

The haunted house belonged to my grandparents. The entity or residual energy, whatever you want to call it, that resided there hated women, and that feeling was concentrated in a particular part of the house, unfortunately the room that my sister and I shared while we lived there. Boys were unaware of it.  It was incredibly uncomfortable, and I was so glad to leave that house when I did.

The ghost walking through the living room of the house I own now looked stunned when I spoke to him. I asked him who he was, and what he was doing in my house, and to get out. I got the impression he was surprised that I saw him there. But he left. There wasn't any feeling of hostility or unpleasantness; he was just walking somewhere and his path happened to lead him through my living room.

My bff, the last time she was over, and I discussed her son. It's been over a year since he passed away, and everyone misses him more than ever. She told me how people at church tell her that he must be such a great missionary for the Lord, and that pisses her off just like it pisses me off.  He died just before he turned 15. His illness kept him from enjoying so many things that kids should enjoy. We've talked about how we want him to just play, and goof around, and do all the things he didn't get to do while he was here.

I've been reading Sulli's commentary on the general conference that took place this past weekend, and it kinda makes me sick. And I've been reading the posts by my family and friends on facebook about how much they love general conference, and it kinda makes me sick. General conference just makes me sick, no kinda to it.

Know what I did this weekend? I spent most of the day Saturday with my sister. We sat around and talked while she worked the last hour of her part-time job. I showed her the postcard with my secret that I mailed to PostSecret this weekend. We did a blog post for a book blog we contribute to. Then we went to try on clothes and watched a movie (yes, it was R rated, I believe, Dream House, and Daniel Craig's abs get four thumbs up), and walked around the mall, and I bought a new handbag because only having one handbag is driving me up the WALL!  And then I went to half-price books and got a couple of DVDs. And then I went to Marshalls and got a loaf pan, because I'm making meatloaf this weekend, and a loaf pan was not included in the furnishings our emergency housing rep set up for us. And I picked up dinner at Rosa's because I got home too late to make meatloaf that evening as had originally been planned. And Sunday? I went and bought some tops because even if my weight's kind of plateaued, I'm shrinking, and some of the new things I've bought the last couple of months are too big. And I went to Target and bought some make-up and water. And then I sat around and read all afternoon. And I took a long soak in the tub, reading a fascinating book on my nook. And then I went to bed and read until I fell asleep. It was just lovely.

Much nicer than general conference, where I'd have heard the same old stuff that they've been saying for decades, and where I'd have gone to sleep and felt guilty about it.

None of my family or personal friends, except those to whom I've come out of the apostate closet, and definitely never my husband, know about this blog. So saying here not to bother asking me to come back to church is useless, because they know better. But oh my gosh, I'm waiting to hear it from a couple of people. Not looking forward to it.

I posted a really cool picture in favour of gay marriage (or marriage. Because I had lunch, not gay lunch. etc.), and I'm waiting to see who's going to unfriend me. I did get an interesting personal message from someone after I posted that. I have something of hers to send back, and it won't surprise me at all if I get unfriended as soon as she gets it back.

Kinda sad.


  1. Interesting post. I've been out of Mormonism for 7 years now and at this point, I consider myself an agnostic. I do believe in some sort of after life, though - and that belief is mostly based on watching what my father went through the night before he passed away. He was very definitely talking with spirits that were above his bed, and I witnessed that. Some people tell me he was probably hallucinating, but it didn't seem that way to me. But regardless of what happens after we die, I know (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that it has nothing to do with Mormonism.

    And as far as General Conference goes, I didn't watch any of it, and until late last night when I went on Facebook, I had forgotten entirely that it was taking place this past weekend. Forgetting all about it is a milestone for me.

  2. Sometimes I think that what we DON'T believe is of equal help and importance to what we DO. I DON'T believe in deity-sanctioned bigotry, etc.

    I forgot it was conference weekend. That's a nice feeling! My weekend was definitely spent doing sinful things--shopping on Sunday, drinking beer, having illicit sexytimes. :B

  3. I have also considered myself an Agnostic Atheist for awhile now. It is a process that I am still going through as I am still learning new things and learning how to view the world without the MoView.

    I also believe there could be an afterlife of sorts. I don't think it has to do with god or the devil, but rather energy continuing on in some form. I could be wrong, but I know it won't do me any good to worry about it.

    Conference time is always interesting for me--I usually get one or two people deleting me. This time it was because I posted, "This is my simple religion; there is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophy. Our own heart is our temple, the philosophy is kindness." -Dalai Lama

    One girl told me that we need temples as much as we need kindness, which I said she may feel that way and that is great, but everyone is different and has their own way to happiness--You keep yours, I'll keep mine. She then deleted me because, you know, I was so rude. That dirty Dalai Lama...

  4. I don't know if there is something after this but I kinda hope there is, if only so the Mormons can find out they were WRONG. ; )