Monday, January 9, 2012

A Little Good Advice

Have I mentioned I've been browsing the archives of Unreasonable Faith?  I came across this post this morning, and just wanted to share and adapt it. As originally written, it is advice to ex Muslims from ex Muslims.  However, it can easily be directed to ex Mormons, or exes of any religion, especially one that has cultish characteristics. I realise that "cult" is a pejorative word, and previous to March 2011, if someone had described the mormon church as a cult, I would have hotly defended it.  Not so much anymore.

  1. Embrace Your Anger — “You were lied to. You were betrayed. You were fooled. You have the right to be angry.”
  2. Get Over Your Regret — “Kick yourself in the ass a few times. Mourn everything you lost. But pick yourself up and get on with it. You already wasted time — don’t waste more drowning yourself in your sorrows.”
  3. Hold Steady — “Create a support network, and try to stay away from intense debates with mormons.”
  4. Be Cautious About Religion — “Even if you still believe in some sort of god or gods, you should probably take it easy with religion, at least for a while. Otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for a pattern of devotion, disillusionment, and disbelief.”
  5. Live Your Life in Color — “Life without mormonism can be a marvelous, beautiful thing. I urge you to take the opportunity to do things you couldn’t or wouldn’t do before when and how you can.”
Okay, so the only adaptation I made was to change the word Muslim to the word mormon. And now my own personal commentary:

Anger--that's a big one. It's something I'm dealing with on a frequent basis. I won't say that I'm always angry, because I'm not. But every now and then, as I'm doing some research and find something particularly outrageous, my hot head prevails and I get absolutely furious. Blogging here helps. I found an awesome exmo meetup group and went for the first time on Saturday night--that helped, talking to people who've been there, done that, have the tee shirt and threw it away.  Don't stress if you're angry a lot. Know that it's part of the recovery process. If you find you're uncontrollably angry, maybe you want to blog, or talk. Anyone reading this is welcome to email me privately any time at aintnomonomo(at)gmail(dot)com. My name is Faith.

Regret--I regret that I gave the mormon church 30 years of my life. I regret all the living I missed out on because I was trying to be the perfect molly mormon, or, as I now refer to it, the stepford morgbot. I regret the people I tried to convert, and I'm so glad no one ever did. I will say that I'm glad of the one lesson I strived with all my heart to get across to the young women I briefly taught: Your life may not turn out the way you anticipate, but that doesn't mean it can't be a good life.

Hold steady--find a meetup group, if one exists near you. If one doesn't, start it. Find a forum where you feel safe. I'm a new regular at Ex-Mormon Forums, and I love it. The meetup group was fantastic. Half of us there Saturday night were exmos, and the other half were interested in the church and how it functions and how it brainwashes its members.

Be cautious about religion--because the church teaches that it is the One True Church (tm), my first reaction was to find the REAL One True Church. There isn't one, in my opinion. I immediately started looking up non-denominational Christian churches, but when I contacted one pastor only to be blown off by him, I got a little frustrated. And I kept reading and researching. Right now I'm leaning toward agnostic atheist, but the agnostic part is the greater--I don't know. I don't believe anyone can know. Christopher Hitchens was brilliant before he died; after he died, he knows everything that we don't. I'm cool with being an agnostic atheist right now, and I reserve the right to disagree with anything I say, because there may come a day when I'll find a different belief system that works for me.

Live your life in colour--Spend some time at YouTube. Look up the "What a Wonderful World" video by David Attenborough. Look up bird mating dances. Look up the bird who does the moonwalk. Look up the otters holding hands. Read. Study. Drink a margarita. Laugh loudly and be lightminded. Dance. Explore this amazing world we live in. Create art. Finger paint. Buy coloured underwear. Take candlelit bubble baths, and have a glass of wine handy. Read books you never would have read before, and realise how beautiful this world is.


  1. I love this post. It's fantastic advice. I do miss having the like minded people to meet with. I have my internet peeps off of blogs and some exmo's that were in my ward 2 wards ago (there's quite a few that have left or are thinking about leaving that all lived there pretty much the same time. I have to say that they were awesome when I was sorting stuff out. Right now there's 7 of us. It's great to have that support.) I wish there was local support though. I get the opposite here- awkwardness at best... shunning/ rudeness (but not as much as I thought there would be).

  2. Thank you for this post. I have recently been feeling frustrated over my anger at the LDS Church and why I am not able to just "get over it". It is part of the process and it does help to talk about it (at least for me). Luckily my husband left long before I did, so he has been a great support for me.

    I love the live your life in color part as well. When I finally left the church the world opened up for me. I see things so much differently now, and it's amazing because I finally feel that I'm allowed to do that. I don't have to answer to anyone else but me and that is a great feeling.