Random Musings

This is going to be one of those rambly posts that starts in one place and then goes to a lot of other places instead of to a nice, neat conclusion.
 
Let’s start with Christopher Hitchens. As you probably know, he passed away this last Thursday.  When I was mormon, I pretty much believed he was a god-hating evil atheist devil. So when I left the church, I quite naturally sought out some of his writings to see what he really believed. I learned that he was, indeed, an atheist. But evil devil? Not even close. I did a post a while back highlighting some of his quotations. Here are a few more:

 “Islam makes very large claims for itself. In its art, there is a prejudice against representing the human form at all. The prohibition on picturing the prophet—who was only another male mammal—is apparently absolute. So is the prohibition on pork or alcohol or, in some Muslim societies, music or dancing. Very well, then, let a good Muslim abstain rigorously from all these. But if he claims the right to make me abstain as well, he offers the clearest possible warning and proof of an aggressive intent.”

“Nothing optional—from homosexuality to adultery—is ever made punishable unless those who do the prohibiting (and exact the fierce punishment) have a repressed desire to participate.” (coughBoydKPackercough)

 

“The only real radicalism in our time will come as it always has—from people who insist on thinking for themselves and who reject party-mindedness.”

 “If religious instruction were not allowed until the child had attained the age of reason, we would be living in a quite different world.” (And in my not so humble opinion, I do not believe that at 8 years old a child is capable of understanding religion and the significance it plays in one’s life.)

 “Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.” (I don’t have values because I used to be Presbyterian/non-denominational Christian/Mormon. I have values because I have values.)

 

“Atheists have always argued that this world is all that we have, and that our duty is to one another to make the very most and best of it.” (I’m more agnostic than atheist, but I do agree with this statement.)

“We have the same job we always had: to say that there are no final solutions; there is no absolute truth; there is no supreme leader; there is no totalitarian solution that says if you would just give up your freedom of inquiry, if you would just give up, if you would simply abandon your critical faculties, the world of idiotic bliss can be yours.” (And what does Mormonism do? Give up your freedom of inquiry, follow the prophet, and you will someday be a god or goddess, although being a god is better because then you can have a lot of wives and being a goddess means that you are always pregnant and, presumably, barefoot.)

 Okay, that’s enough for now of Christopher Hitchens. I salute his memory, and am glad that I got to read some of his writings and learned that he wasn’t a devil at all. He was an honest man, searching for the truth.

I have been growing out my hair for more than 2 years, and over the last few weeks got the urge to cut it all off. After all, what’s the point of growing one’s hair, if all one ever does is stick it up in a clip? So I showed my husband the photo of the hair style I wanted, and he reluctantly said he thought it would be okay. Note that I didn’t care what he thought, because I am perfectly capable, despite the fact that I’m a mere woman, of thinking for myself. And I got it all cut off on Saturday afternoon, ended up with a pixieish haircut. And I love it. And he threw the nastiest, most horrible temper tantrum imaginable when I got home, telling me how awful it looked, and how ugly it made me, and I can’t remember (and don’t want to) all the other ugly things he said. For the record, every other person who has commented on it has said how great it looks. And even if they didn’t, it wouldn’t matter, because I love it!  (Ok, one comment did take me aback—my mother said it makes me look more like her. Don’t get me wrong. I adore my mother. She’s batshit crazy, incredibly smart, and has no sense at all of womanhood with a capital W. I don’t want to look like her. But I checked the mirror, and I think I just look like myself.)

And speaking of my husband’s temper tantrums, he threw two this weekend. It was very unpleasant, because according to him, everything that goes wrong is my fault, and I’m the laziest person who ever walked the face of the earth.  Please FSM, intervene with the powers that be to get our house taken care of, and get me that promotion to management so I can have enough money to live on, and then send him to Europe or some place far far away on long term assignment. And then he can stay in Europe and I can stay here and not be married anymore. That sounds blissful to me. Or if not, he can have the house and I can get an apartment by work. I couldn’t stay in the one we’re currently occupying, because no way on earth can I afford the rent there, but there are others equally close that cost less money.  What just pisses me off more than anything is the way that he’ll be so unbearably ugly to me, and then when I say I’m going to sleep at my sister’s and not come home, he tells me how much he loves me. Excuse me? That’s not love.

Okay, I guess that’s enough rambling for one day. Lots on my mind, and feeling angry and stressed and impotent to act until things change enough that I can act. That doesn’t make any sense. I feel like I need to wait until the house is repaired. Everything is so up in the air right now, and it doesn’t feel like the right time to separate. It’ll just be one more stressor on top of way too many stressors. And perhaps I’ll have that promotion by the time the house is repaired, so I can afford to live on my own, and we can figure it out then.

Peace out.