Friday, December 30, 2011

Happy New Year?

The approaching New Year's Day is the first in many years in which I haven't felt the need to become reactivated and start going to church again. I'm not saying I succeeded in the past several years, because I didn't, thank Og, but it was always there in my mind. I was going to start going to church on Sundays. I was going to start journaling. I was going to keep the Sabbath day holy, which in my warped view consisted of going to church, reading church related literature when I got home, no football on tv, and visiting friends or family. What a load of baloney! I hated going to church. My husband refused to even consider not watching football on Sundays. Reading only church related literature was boring. So you can imagine how long that lasted.

This new year, though, represents a sense of freedom that I have not felt for a very long time. No more trying to do what anyone else says I should do, no matter whether it feels right or wrong to me. (you have no power over me)

I have started standing up for myself with people who try to beat me down. I am taking back my power. I've refused to meet with my bishop, who's been trying to get me to go talk to him as he's processing my name removal. He's a nice enough person, but I don't want to meet with him (you have no power over me). I'm standing up for myself with my husband, who alternates between being incredibly kind, loving, and thoughtful and being incredibly judgmental of me, verbally and emotionally abusive, and completely out of control (you have no power over me).

I'm learning that the only way people have control or power over me is if I yield it to them. And why would I want to do that? (you have no power over me)

The answer is that I do not. I claim my life. I claim my intelligence. I claim my thoughts, my beliefs, my emotions. I claim my abilities. I claim my dreams. (you have no power over me)

The words that whatserface found so hard to remember in Labyrinth have become my rallying cry: You have no power over me.

2012 is going to be a year to remember! I'm looking forward to it with eagerness and anticipation. Change is coming, and a new me is in the process of being born. Join me for the journey, if you wish--it will be a fantastic trip!

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