The thing about asking questions is that once you start asking questions and really searching for answers, you build up momentum and it gets harder and harder to stop. Not that I want to stop, of course, but the problem is that the answers are either not there for me to find just now, or else they're not what I expected.
I mentioned not too long ago that I'm beginning to think that I would identify as an agnostic. That really surprised me. I've always believed in God and in Jesus Christ as a saviour. I still pray, but my prayers always start out, as I said before, with a statement like King Lamoni's father: "O God, if there is a god and if thou art God..." I haven't discussed this with my husband, because he's wigged enough about my leaving the morg.
I've been reading the online archives of Slate's David Plotz's series on Blogging the Bible (which I highly recommend), and it's raising more questions.
How can I know whether the alleged prophets in the Bible really were speaking for God? And how can God be described as the same yesterday, today, and forever, when in the works that purportedly contain his prophecies and works show an imperfect god, a god whose commands range from sublime to truly heinous? I'm not being facetious--I really want to know.
And then if I think perhaps there is no god, or if there is one, his or her nature is beyond anything comprehensible by me or anyone else. Maybe none of those people who claim to speak for God actually do so. I mean, they can't all be prophets, when you consider all the contradictions and the great evils that have been done in the name of one god or another.
Muslims claim that their god is the only true god, and that his works are just. Christians and Jews claim that their god is the only true god, and that his works are just. In the name of God, Muslims have slaughtered many people. In the name of God, Christians/Jews have slaughtered many people. By their fruits ye shall know them, right?
The mormon church as an entity persecutes homosexuals and transgendered people. It gives only the tiniest fraction of its great wealth to humanitarian aid, while it builds malls and luxury condominiums. It practices "lying for the Lord" despite its claims to be honest, true, chaste, benevolent and doing good to all men. I don't call that good fruit. It is not at all sweet to the taste, but incredibly bitter.
I think I'm comfortable with being agnostic for now. Whether that will ever change remains to be seen. I'm going to keep asking questions, and I'm going to keep searching for answers.