It ain't just a river in Egypt.
Progress is being made. It's both agonizingly slowly and incredibly quickly, and even though I don't know how it can be both, it is. My husband left Saturday afternoon for an assignment that's due to last 5 days, and it was so lovely to just be alone in the house. Well, as alone as one can be with two dogs. Every discussion we've had over the last several weeks has been long and intense, and wearily exhausting.
I've also been a little frustrated by the fact that every discussion we've had over the last several weeks has been solely focused on my husband's situation, and there's been no room to talk about how I'm feeling about things. When we got married all those years ago, I completely misunderstood the situation, and finding out I spent a good percentage of our married life with no clue as to what was really going on was painful. It's like I don't even know my husband.
Anyway, c'est la vie. At least I'm not neck deep in denial anymore.
Progress is being made. It's both agonizingly slowly and incredibly quickly, and even though I don't know how it can be both, it is. My husband left Saturday afternoon for an assignment that's due to last 5 days, and it was so lovely to just be alone in the house. Well, as alone as one can be with two dogs. Every discussion we've had over the last several weeks has been long and intense, and wearily exhausting.
I've also been a little frustrated by the fact that every discussion we've had over the last several weeks has been solely focused on my husband's situation, and there's been no room to talk about how I'm feeling about things. When we got married all those years ago, I completely misunderstood the situation, and finding out I spent a good percentage of our married life with no clue as to what was really going on was painful. It's like I don't even know my husband.
Anyway, c'est la vie. At least I'm not neck deep in denial anymore.
Hard, hard work. Perhaps--may it be so--one day you will be able to hold hands and walk side by side through this forest.
ReplyDeleteI hope this will be slightly encouraging. For the first thirty-plus years of my marriage, my husband was a talk-radio addicted type of conservative. I had to keep my liberal mouth shut to keep peace, although, when asked, I would quietly state my differing opinion. Nobody asked until our kids began to tackle the Vietnam War in high school and asked for our input on their papers.
And then, toward the end of Bush I, things began to change. Maybe it was waning testosterone. Maybe it was egregiously immoral governance. Whichever, my husband gradually turned completely around.
We walk hand in hand through this recession. I don't think I could have survived it, otherwise.
May it be well with you.
Best of luck to you - taking time for yourself and your feelings. Finding a space for you to share your feelings - without caring what he thinks. It's more difficult than it sounds.
ReplyDeletePS. As I read this, I thought of the quote, no one really knows someone else until they get divorced. And from I hear, it's true.
It's my impression that a lot of women, for any number of reasons, put everyone else first. No offense, but you women folks need to give yourself a break sometimes.
ReplyDelete